This is my second time round on "The Potty Train" and believe you me I was NOT excited when Caden started showing signs he was ready as if to say, "ALL ABOARD!"
The reason as to why I was so reluctant was because I felt I absolutely failed my first son when it came to this milestone. At the time I thought I knew he was ready and maybe on some level he was but emotionally and mentally he had some growing that should've happened before we jumped on the band wagon. But of course I was pregnant and irrational and tried to force it on him when all the signs were there to stop. It took him a good YEAR till we were accident free. (Yes I can be rather stubborn.) And it was horrible. It wasn't until he was finally going on his own that I saw the error of my ways (Stubborn? Yes. Smart? No!). I began seeing articles suggesting that kids aren't physically able to hold their bladders until age 4! Almost half the kids at the normal potty training age can't hold their bladders the whole night through. While I did sticker charts, bribes, time outs... I ignored the fact that he simply just wasn't ready. Thankfully he is turning out to be an amazing kid despite all I am doing!
So when my second turned two I had no lofty goals or dreams of grandeur of being diaper free anytime soon. I wanted it, for sure! He poops six times a day on a regular basis for crying out loud! But I knew he wasn't ready and I wasn't going to push it.
He turned three and I still knew he wasn't ready. And that was fine with me! But sure enough, a couple of months later and the train whistle she was a blowin'! So we decided to give it a shot! We tried for a day and it was horrible. He had accident after accident. So at the end of the day, I shrugged my shoulders and said "No big deal!" And we went back to diapers. No kid shaming, no punishments. In my opinion, potty training should be full of praise and excitement. Accidents WILL HAPPEN. And if they are scared or upset by your reaction they will resent the potty. The brain and the bowels still hadn't quite figured out the connection. And that is ok!
A week later, my mommy gut told me to try again. So with baited breath we tried again! And this time he got it! He was ready. He has had a couple of accidents but nothing major. He gets it. And that's the biggest hurdle with potty training.
So without further story telling here are my tips from the second time around:
1) If they keep having accident after accident, even if you know they are smart enough to get it, they may not be ready. If they are seriously resisting going on the potty, even fighting it, don't let it become a power struggle! If it becomes a battle, then going to the potty means they've lost and you've won. Going to the potty has to be about them winning! In my opinion, stubbornness and fighting won't win the potty war, patience will.
2) Positive reinforcement: On that very first day we started giving Caden a sucker every time he went pee. Well that back fired. He hadn't finished the first sucker by the time he decided he could push some more pee out. So for him we did a sticker chart for pee (Just a blank piece of paper on the fridge) and he got a sticker each time he peed. He loved this! Every time he got a new sticker we would count how many he had and I would emphasize that he had gone to the potty this many times! It was a way for him to visually see his success! He gets a sucker if he poops mainly because I dread cleaning up poop and he loves suckers so its a win win! Also his older brother gets a sucker when he poops too. And I make sure to let Caden know about his brother's success. "Will got a sucker because he went poop! That is so awesome! He's great at the potty!"
They are underwear with an absorbent layer! I can't describe how much I love these! They help so much when an accident does happen because most of it won't end up on your furniture! I saw an idea where someone went and bought the generic cloth diapers and sewed those into the underwear they already had. I'm not a seamstress but I thought it was a great idea!
4) Timer: This time I put Caden on timer. I started with ten minute intervals. Then when I felt he could hold it a little longer I would add 5 minutes. If he had a lot to drink I am might take him potty a little sooner just to avoid an accident. Because the goal is to have more success than misses. But by day three he was doing such a good job holding it (we even ventured out of the house!) that the timer stopped and he goes all on his own! I will remind him still if I feel its been a while since he went but he can tell whether he wants to go or not.
5) Consequences: This has to be done so carefully. Because you don't want the punishment to overshadow their success. If they feel like a failure they won't try to be better. They will just keep believing they are bad at the potty. For Caden, when I knew he had it down but he'd get distracted playing in his room and have an accident I would remind him that it wasn't ok to go potty in his pants and that if he did it again he would need to sit in a time out. Well he did it again and to time out he went but that was the last accident he had. After the time out I made sure to take him back to the sticker chart and count all the times he has gone potty and praise him for going SO MANY TIMES! I really believe that if you are going to issue out punishments it should be done in a way that doesn't reflect badly on the whole potty experience or lower their self esteem.
Learning from my past mistakes has made this time around so much better! For me and Caden! These tips won't work for every kid because every kid is different. But this is what worked for me and hopefully if you are struggling on the potty journey, something here can help!
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