I know I can't be alone when I admit I am afraid of spiders. It's the number one ranked phobia! Even over dying. Hey, if it was rational it wouldn't be a phobia.
Since I've been married I let Clayton do battle with the eight legged freaks but obviously he isn't always here to protect me. So I ge t to handle the nasties myself.
A couple nights ago, I walk into my bedroom ready to pass out after watching several episodes of "Army Wives." When I noticed a big spider in that spot where the ceiling and the wall meet.
Spiders love that place! As a child I would always scan the perimeter of this spot because that's where I would always see them. Then I would scream bloody murder till my father killed it.
But that night it was just me...
Unfortunately it had decided to bunker down above my husband's dresser, which doubles as our office desk...which means clutter. I knew that if I were to get the spider with the broom and miss, it would fall and it would hide rather well in that mess. So I got the bug repellent and doused him good. That way I knew if he got away before I could finish the job it would only be a matter of time... Muahahaha! Before I could grab the broom the sucker base jumped from the ceiling into the mess.
A little voice from the back of my mind whispers, "Hey remember that show on Animal Planet where you learned that not all spiders can be killed by your awesome bug spray?" Crap...there is no way I would be sleeping until I confirmed the creep was dead.
I began to jiggle things on the desk to scare the thing out of hiding. Finally I spotted him sitting on my wedding photo. Obviously, the right tool for where he now taunted me was not the broom. I knew it had to be a toilet paper in the hand scenario. I hate doing this. Usually I don't pick them up until I've gotten them good with a shoe or broom and I know they aren't going to jump up my arm. Bravely I nabbed him with perfect ninja like precision.
And all the people watching were like:
If people had been watching...
I breathed a sigh of relief...but wasn't completely settled. Something wasn't right.
You see, I watched A LOT of Animal Planet growing up. And while I don't like being near them in person, I am fascinated by spider shows. Maybe I was hoping that the more I learned about them, the less fearful I would be. So far, not working...
I remembered what the spider looked like before I mashed him too a pulp... How I had known instantly he was a male... a BIG male. And if you know anything about spiders, you know how big this HAS to make the female. That's right folks. In the spider world the female is drastically more macho than the males. In fact after they've mated the female will usually eat the male. The only time I have ever seen male spiders in my house is before or after I find the female. And I hadn't found her yet.
I just knew this wasn't over. I managed to sleep that night, of course having nightmares of being cast in Arachnophobia: The Sequel. I didn't find her the next night. But tonight I walked in ready to zonk on my bed and sure enough there she was. Ready for her revenge. I had killed her dinner mate and she wasn't about to let that stand. She wasn't even trying to hide! She knew how big she was and she wasn't shy about it. The bug spray was still by my bed side and I quickly grabbed it. She saw this and got scared and ran to hide in the groove of the open window. I soaked the window sill. I grabbed a flash light because I couldn't see if she was still there and sure enough she started to dart back into the room. But I was faster and quickly slammed the window right on top of her.
I opened the window back up to confirm she was dead.
She wasn't. I grabbed my keys which as a nifty self defense stick attached too it. And with some totally awesome jedi moves, squished her. Now my window is closed again and I totally have the hebejebes!
Now to try and sleep...wish me luck!
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